Single Awareness Day

Most people consider this Valentines' Day, but as my title suggest, for some of us it's something totally different.  Random fact I heard this morning... St Valentine is also the patron saint of the plague and of bees (or was it bee keepers?)... need I say more??

OK, enough negativity!!  The Lord spoke the sweetest thing to my heart Sunday morning.  I thought about just keeping it myself as a private treasure, but I think there maybe someone out there that might just need to hear this too.

Driving to church, I somehow got on the thought pattern of 'why am I single' and 'what's wrong with me'.  This isn't something new, and it's not something God and I haven't dealt with a thousand times.  I normally 'hear' that its just not the right time, I'm not or he's not ready, just be patient... gentle answers that I don't disagree with.  I just wonder sometimes if God wants to just tell me to shut it and move on, but He's not unkind. But this go-around I heard something new...

"You are one of my favorites, you are precious to Me and beautiful.  I'm just not ready to share your affections yet"

Tears and tears and tears :)

So, on a day I would normally want to wear all black and eat a container of ice cream, this year I think I'll spend time praising and worshiping Him instead!

Awesome power in the tiniest things

Have you ever witnessed God change someone's life?  Ever been a part of Him doing something amazing in a friend's circumstances?  If not, ask Him to let you be.  Even though I can't go into details here, because of these people's privacy, let me tell you God has been up to some awesome things.  He always is, don't get me wrong.  But sometimes, a lot of times actually, we don't see it or don't recognize when He does.  Never underestimate the power behind simply excepting someone where they are or the power of doing something little for them.  The love of Christ is the loudest thing in the universe, but we only hear it in whispers.  We only see it in glimpses even though it outshines the brightest star.  Want to be a part of spreading that love?  Remember little things matter.  Our time on this earth is tiny, our time with each other is minuscule, make the most of it.  He speaks, listen.  He shows Himself, watch.  He loves, except it.  He cares, open your hands.

just a glimpse

when was the last time you took a glimpse of Heaven?  not the clouds or the stars, but where we'll spend eternity?  If you've excepted Jesus as Lord and Savior, and except His sacrifice on the cross, you will spend eternity with Him in Heaven.  We'll see the saints of old, have meals with Abraham and Paul, chat with the peoples' lives we've touched.  I mean people that are touched by the ripples of our prayers and our giving.  We'll see the scars on His hands, feet and side.  We'll be enveloped in the love that died for us.  We'll see God face-to-face.


That last part, seeing God.  Think about it and try to imagine it... crazy huh?  The one who made the universe, the galaxies, the stars, the planets, the sky, the clouds, the animals.  Who made it ALL, as small as a flower petal is as big as a black hole.  We will be with Him.  Forever!  


In that light, my troubles seems small.  My pain, my sickness, my worries.  My joys, my victories, everything seems small.  What will this dirty living room or that bill that needs to be paid, really measure up to against worshiping directly at His feet?  I'm not saying to not clean, or to not pay that bill, but the amount of time and effort we put into those worries... they won't mean much on the other side.


Ask Him to open the eyes of your heart, to open your imagination, to open you hope, to the image of Heaven. Of eternity.  Of His love.  The rest will fade, and you won't be so worried about today or even tomorrow.

Adopted and blessed (and a little insane)

Did you know if you adopt a child, you cannot disinherit them?  but you can disinherit one who is your flesh and blood?  If, as Christians, we are adopted daughters and sons of God, the Heavenly Father, by our faith in Jesus Christ, He cannot disinherit us.  Every spiritual blessing in Heavenly places that is ours to inherit through the blood of Christ, the Father won't decide that at some point we don't deserve it.  let that all sink in... man, He loves us and those blessings will overwhelm us... wow!

we started a new round of small groups at church last Wed (Sept 14th) and I'm in one where we're discussing the lies we have built up on top of the Truth of the Gospel.  Stuff like religion for the sake of rules and guilt and stuff like that.  I'm loving it!  The Truth sets us free, lies hold us down.  Have you ever said to someone, or yourself, that you can't really be a Christian if you (fill in the blank)?  Why do we think it's so much more complicated than just a relationship with God?  it all weighs us down, and we then weigh other people down. 

one of the things I said last night in group kinda came out like it was one of those thoughts I'd had for awhile, but was new, at least formed into words that made a sentence anyway.  maybe a year ago I was all proud of myself for losing weight.  ya me, I'd figured out my formula.  guess what?!?  I hadn't.  I was so focus on my little success, I'd forgotten Whom to give the praise to.  I haven't figured out a stinking thing.  I do know I need to exercise and I do know I can't just sit around and eat donuts and fried chicken all the time and expect my health to improve (darn!).  but He was the one Who took my small amount of effort and blessed it.

Kinda having the same issue with my debt.  I keep asking Him to bless me, to help me with the paying down part, but I'm not trusting Him, I still use my credit cards.  I mean, come on, my budget is set so that my NEEDS are met, the WANTS end up on the credit cards.  All the while praying He'll show me the 'coin in the fish's mouth'.  Hello!  Definition of insanity is .... :-/

I forgot how much just talking with others about stuff helps me think things out.  I've been going around another round of depression and it's so easy just to retreat into myself.  Forget the world, and friends, and help, I'd rather just watch another episode of... I started a new anti-depressant a few weeks ago, this has not been a fun experience, but I do have moments when I know I'm getting better.  Those moments are starting to last into an hour here and there, so that's nice.

So, new adventures on the horizon that I can't wait to talk about, but at the moment I can't.  Changes coming, but we have to be sensitive to the people involved and His timing.  Just know He has a new assignment for me, one that will stretch the mess out of me (goodbye mess, but oh, this is gonna hurt!).

Oh, and YA!!!! for Fall!  I LOVE autumn, just not so much with the allergies though.  Temp wise, this time ROCKS!  Just need to invest in a respirator I can wear :)

NSV - Encouragement to keep going

NSV = Non - scale victory before anyone asks

a while back my HDL (good cholesterol) plummeted, down to 11. it's supposed to be over 40. this put me in at high risk for a heart attack (I'm only 32!). we tried Niacin, but it made me sick, so I've been taking 4 Lovaza a day for a few years, a Rx fish oil (not cheap!) and it only helped a little. after some research, I learned that exercise helps increase HDL. I started occasionally taking Zumba classes back in January, eventually committed to 3x a week. I was frustrated because I wasn't losing weight or inches , even though I felt better and stronger. before that I half-heartedly walked/ran.

Anyway...

I got a call from a nurse today and she said my HDL is up to 37!!! Yay!! thank you Lord!

here's a kicker though, that level could plummet again if I don't work out for JUST 2 weeks. talk about motivation!

I'm also insulin resistant and my A1C is down to 5.4

I hope this encourages someone else too. it's not always about the numbers on the scale or the tape measure, but lab numbers don't lie. getting healthy is more important than looking 'better'.

it's been a while...

I've written a bunch of drafts over the past few weeks, in my head and 'on paper', but I can't seem to express exactly what's going on.  Let's try again, hopefully this one will get published...

I recently battled a relapse of the MS.  It was a minor one and is pretty much over now, praise God!  My neurologist did a couple MRI's, which we hadn't done in 3 years.  Amazing news - only one tiny, tiny new spot in all that time :)  My C-Spine came back clear.  Lab work came back clear too!  Good stuff!  We switched my meds too.  For the past 3 years I was doing a once-a-week injection into a muscle (read - big needle) but now I'm doing a 3x week little needle.  The side effects are less because the dosage is more spread out, ya!  And after the big needle for so long, the new one is almost cute.  It also has an auto-inject thing so I don't even see the needle go in and my mom is off the hook now.  Good stuff, good stuff.


Battling the relapse sucked though.  As I type this my left arm/hand are kinda tingly.  I was having balance/coordination problems, more that usual, but they seem to be subsiding.  I mostly just gotta stay out of the heat.  Easy to do in the Midwest this time of year, right? :-/


I started a 2nd, part-time job a little while back.  I'm working in the office of the martial arts place where I take Zumba.  I pretty much like it, starting to wonder if I've taken on too much though.


I'm back at the weight I was a year ago, that's not good.  I do Zumba 3x a week, but I haven't been walking and I eat out A LOT!  Partly because I hardly ever seem to be home, and when I am, I'm sleeping or watching TV or movies.  Cooking is low on my list of priorities.  So is cleaning for that matter...


Here's the biggest issue in my life as of late, brace yourself... I'm tired of Christianity.  At least how it stands today.  I LOVE Jesus, He is my Lord, Savior, Best-Friend, so loosing my faith isn't what I'm talking about.  It's the rules, regulations, expectations, judgments of/by 'religious' people.  I'm as guilty as the next person, and so not perfect, but I'm tired of it.  Tired of trying to change the world by telling them what they do is wrong.  We do sin, but judging people isn't going to make them want to come to Salvation.  Loving them will.  Jesus didn't preach at the unsaved, He preached at the religious leaders.  He loved and hung out with the worldly.  He wasn't best friends with them, and He certainly didn't let their lifestyle choices pull Him down, but He did love them.  Unsaved people don't know any better... we need to quit trying to change them!  That is God's job!  And how will they come to know the loving, saving grace of our Lord if all we do is try to share His wrath?  Speak the Truth in Love, not hate!


OK, done with that rant, for now.  I'm sure there are plenty of disagreements against a lot of what I just said, I used to be one to argue those points.  

I'm just in a place where I want to know God, truly know Him.  Not just what I've been taught, but what His Word says.  I don't want to take anything of Christianity for granted and I don't want to live a lie.  There's a lot of sayings out there and a lot of assumptions on how God feels about different subjects... but what does He really have to say about it all?  


If I get any wisdom, I'll pass it along.

Love this song!! Describes where I am right now...

Jason Gray - More Like Falling in Love
From the album Everything Sad Is Coming Untrue

Give me rules
I will break them
Give me lines
I will cross them
I need more than a truth to believe
I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathes
To sweep me off my feet
It ought to be

(CHORUS)
More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love

Give me words
I'll misuse them
Obligations
I'll misplace them
'Cause all religion ever made of me
Was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet
It never set me free
It's gotta be

More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love

It's like I'm falling in love, love, love
Deeper and deeper
It was love that made
Me a believer
In more than a name, a faith, a creed
Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me
It's gotta be

More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love
It's gotta be

More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love
It's like I'm falling, oh
I'm falling in falling
It's like I'm falling