Adopted and blessed (and a little insane)

Did you know if you adopt a child, you cannot disinherit them?  but you can disinherit one who is your flesh and blood?  If, as Christians, we are adopted daughters and sons of God, the Heavenly Father, by our faith in Jesus Christ, He cannot disinherit us.  Every spiritual blessing in Heavenly places that is ours to inherit through the blood of Christ, the Father won't decide that at some point we don't deserve it.  let that all sink in... man, He loves us and those blessings will overwhelm us... wow!

we started a new round of small groups at church last Wed (Sept 14th) and I'm in one where we're discussing the lies we have built up on top of the Truth of the Gospel.  Stuff like religion for the sake of rules and guilt and stuff like that.  I'm loving it!  The Truth sets us free, lies hold us down.  Have you ever said to someone, or yourself, that you can't really be a Christian if you (fill in the blank)?  Why do we think it's so much more complicated than just a relationship with God?  it all weighs us down, and we then weigh other people down. 

one of the things I said last night in group kinda came out like it was one of those thoughts I'd had for awhile, but was new, at least formed into words that made a sentence anyway.  maybe a year ago I was all proud of myself for losing weight.  ya me, I'd figured out my formula.  guess what?!?  I hadn't.  I was so focus on my little success, I'd forgotten Whom to give the praise to.  I haven't figured out a stinking thing.  I do know I need to exercise and I do know I can't just sit around and eat donuts and fried chicken all the time and expect my health to improve (darn!).  but He was the one Who took my small amount of effort and blessed it.

Kinda having the same issue with my debt.  I keep asking Him to bless me, to help me with the paying down part, but I'm not trusting Him, I still use my credit cards.  I mean, come on, my budget is set so that my NEEDS are met, the WANTS end up on the credit cards.  All the while praying He'll show me the 'coin in the fish's mouth'.  Hello!  Definition of insanity is .... :-/

I forgot how much just talking with others about stuff helps me think things out.  I've been going around another round of depression and it's so easy just to retreat into myself.  Forget the world, and friends, and help, I'd rather just watch another episode of... I started a new anti-depressant a few weeks ago, this has not been a fun experience, but I do have moments when I know I'm getting better.  Those moments are starting to last into an hour here and there, so that's nice.

So, new adventures on the horizon that I can't wait to talk about, but at the moment I can't.  Changes coming, but we have to be sensitive to the people involved and His timing.  Just know He has a new assignment for me, one that will stretch the mess out of me (goodbye mess, but oh, this is gonna hurt!).

Oh, and YA!!!! for Fall!  I LOVE autumn, just not so much with the allergies though.  Temp wise, this time ROCKS!  Just need to invest in a respirator I can wear :)

NSV - Encouragement to keep going

NSV = Non - scale victory before anyone asks

a while back my HDL (good cholesterol) plummeted, down to 11. it's supposed to be over 40. this put me in at high risk for a heart attack (I'm only 32!). we tried Niacin, but it made me sick, so I've been taking 4 Lovaza a day for a few years, a Rx fish oil (not cheap!) and it only helped a little. after some research, I learned that exercise helps increase HDL. I started occasionally taking Zumba classes back in January, eventually committed to 3x a week. I was frustrated because I wasn't losing weight or inches , even though I felt better and stronger. before that I half-heartedly walked/ran.

Anyway...

I got a call from a nurse today and she said my HDL is up to 37!!! Yay!! thank you Lord!

here's a kicker though, that level could plummet again if I don't work out for JUST 2 weeks. talk about motivation!

I'm also insulin resistant and my A1C is down to 5.4

I hope this encourages someone else too. it's not always about the numbers on the scale or the tape measure, but lab numbers don't lie. getting healthy is more important than looking 'better'.

it's been a while...

I've written a bunch of drafts over the past few weeks, in my head and 'on paper', but I can't seem to express exactly what's going on.  Let's try again, hopefully this one will get published...

I recently battled a relapse of the MS.  It was a minor one and is pretty much over now, praise God!  My neurologist did a couple MRI's, which we hadn't done in 3 years.  Amazing news - only one tiny, tiny new spot in all that time :)  My C-Spine came back clear.  Lab work came back clear too!  Good stuff!  We switched my meds too.  For the past 3 years I was doing a once-a-week injection into a muscle (read - big needle) but now I'm doing a 3x week little needle.  The side effects are less because the dosage is more spread out, ya!  And after the big needle for so long, the new one is almost cute.  It also has an auto-inject thing so I don't even see the needle go in and my mom is off the hook now.  Good stuff, good stuff.


Battling the relapse sucked though.  As I type this my left arm/hand are kinda tingly.  I was having balance/coordination problems, more that usual, but they seem to be subsiding.  I mostly just gotta stay out of the heat.  Easy to do in the Midwest this time of year, right? :-/


I started a 2nd, part-time job a little while back.  I'm working in the office of the martial arts place where I take Zumba.  I pretty much like it, starting to wonder if I've taken on too much though.


I'm back at the weight I was a year ago, that's not good.  I do Zumba 3x a week, but I haven't been walking and I eat out A LOT!  Partly because I hardly ever seem to be home, and when I am, I'm sleeping or watching TV or movies.  Cooking is low on my list of priorities.  So is cleaning for that matter...


Here's the biggest issue in my life as of late, brace yourself... I'm tired of Christianity.  At least how it stands today.  I LOVE Jesus, He is my Lord, Savior, Best-Friend, so loosing my faith isn't what I'm talking about.  It's the rules, regulations, expectations, judgments of/by 'religious' people.  I'm as guilty as the next person, and so not perfect, but I'm tired of it.  Tired of trying to change the world by telling them what they do is wrong.  We do sin, but judging people isn't going to make them want to come to Salvation.  Loving them will.  Jesus didn't preach at the unsaved, He preached at the religious leaders.  He loved and hung out with the worldly.  He wasn't best friends with them, and He certainly didn't let their lifestyle choices pull Him down, but He did love them.  Unsaved people don't know any better... we need to quit trying to change them!  That is God's job!  And how will they come to know the loving, saving grace of our Lord if all we do is try to share His wrath?  Speak the Truth in Love, not hate!


OK, done with that rant, for now.  I'm sure there are plenty of disagreements against a lot of what I just said, I used to be one to argue those points.  

I'm just in a place where I want to know God, truly know Him.  Not just what I've been taught, but what His Word says.  I don't want to take anything of Christianity for granted and I don't want to live a lie.  There's a lot of sayings out there and a lot of assumptions on how God feels about different subjects... but what does He really have to say about it all?  


If I get any wisdom, I'll pass it along.

Love this song!! Describes where I am right now...

Jason Gray - More Like Falling in Love
From the album Everything Sad Is Coming Untrue

Give me rules
I will break them
Give me lines
I will cross them
I need more than a truth to believe
I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathes
To sweep me off my feet
It ought to be

(CHORUS)
More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love

Give me words
I'll misuse them
Obligations
I'll misplace them
'Cause all religion ever made of me
Was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet
It never set me free
It's gotta be

More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love

It's like I'm falling in love, love, love
Deeper and deeper
It was love that made
Me a believer
In more than a name, a faith, a creed
Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me
It's gotta be

More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love
It's gotta be

More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love
It's like I'm falling, oh
I'm falling in falling
It's like I'm falling

Madame Blueberry

If you're not a Veggie Tales fan, you probably don't get the title.  Don't worry, I'm not turning blue or anything.  This character is in one story about thankfulness.  'A thankful heart is a happy heart' - that's the lesson, and theme song.  Madame Blueberry is, well, blue.  Sad and she thinks it's because she doesn't have enough, or the right, stuff.  She meets a girl in the story that is poor, but happy, and in the end, she learns that stuff can't make her happy.  

I'd like to spin the lesson a little, because its something I've been learning lately.  I really don't (usually) want for stuff, but for situations.  Like I want to be out of debt, I want to be healthy, I want to be 50 pounds lighter, I want to fall in love, I want to do more mission trips, etc.  get the idea?  so, to help me get over this, I'm going to list some things and situations I'm grateful for.


A great church

Friends who accept me for who I am
A family who supports me
Snuggle times with my sweet, yet crazy, cat
A job that's close to home
Just having a job
To have been on some mission trips
To have my debt level going down
To have lost weight, but more importantly inches
My house, even with all it's problems
Jesus dying on the cross for my sins
And for Him raising from the dead!
An eternal home in Heaven
Some of my health issues coming in line
My independence
My freedom
My friends' children (that I get a 'kid' fix and go back to my freedom/Independence! lol)
Low-cal Alfredo Sauce
That gooey brownie from The Chocolate Bar
The not-so-low calorie Alfredo sauce
Cinnamon/sugar soft pretzels
Strawberries
Cheesecake (my dad's of course)
Dad's pizza
A good sports bra
Lessons learned from past mistakes
A God who isn't limited in the way He can speak to me (through His Word, prayer, spiritual leaders and friends). But also (even?!!?) non-Christian movies, TV, games, books, friends, etc.
That He does answer prayers with 'no'.  I don't mean the 'not right now' or 'later' nos, I mean closed and locked doors.


I could go on, and probably will.  but for now I need to get some work done at that job close to home!


What are you thankful for?


   

catching up

I'm not entirely sure how a month and a half has gone by since I last posted.  Between the promotion at work and feeling crappy lately, I just haven't been too social.  Oh, but if you know me personally I seem like it though.  Sometimes its an act, sometimes its me forcing myself out of a slump.

Maybe today isn't the best day to catch up.  I messed up my lower back somehow (probably from sitting on my butt most of the weekend doing nothing except eating...) and, well, let's just say the girls should understand why I'm in the 'blahs'.

So, why am I here posting today?  Maybe because I titled this blog 'Being Real' and I haven't been lately.  Why?  Hmmmm.  Wish I knew for sure.  But I have a few ideas.

Time with God - lacking in that area.  I read the Bible and/or a devotional almost everyday, but I know that's not really time with Him.  I don't spend hardly any time praying and listening.

TV - well not really TV, more like Netflix.  Current addiction = Battlestar Galactica.  Before that was Law & Order: SVU.  It's amazing how much time you lose when you're watching stuff (just one more episode... oh just another... next thing I know 6+ hours have disappeared)

Food - not eating healthy is not good for my brain or body.  I feel sluggish and can't focus.  Yesterday alone I ate 3x as much as I should in a normal day.  I mean, come on, really?  How did that happen?  I actually had the thought that maybe if I kept eating the pain would go away.  I knew it was wrong then, and I'm paying for it now.  It seems like I spend Mon - Thurs making up for Fri - Sun, every week!!  Will next weekend be better?  Only time will tell.

Exercise - well, I've actually made some improvement here :)  I recently took up Zumba.  It is so much fun!  I have more rhythm and coordination than I thought.  It took a few weeks for them to kick in though.

Weight loss - I tell people to ignore the scale while they're in a plateau, I really need to learn to listen to my own advice!!  I've actually gained 7 pounds since the beginning of the year.  May not seem like too much, but it took me months to lose that 7!  People tell me I look like I'm losing though.


Perfection - not attainable but that doesn't stop me from getting down on myself for not being there.  I think this really is the main problem in all areas.  I keeping thinking I'm not good enough in something and am therefore a failure.  So not true!  Besides, there was only One Who was Perfect, and He makes me perfect in Him.


Whine, whine, whine... 

Well, let's change focus a bit.  I have actually managed to stick to a Bible reading plan for 52 days now.  I'm a little over 30 pounds lighter than I was a year ago and in much better shape.  I feel like I'm moving into some new areas in life and its exciting to see what God's doing.  Still hoping to go to China later this year.  The promotion at work, and of course the raise, have been good for me, definitely utilizing skills in a better way.

The more I am real about stuff, and face it instead of trying to numb it with food, TV or trying to be perfect, the more I believe that last paragraph will be longer than my list of complaints.  Contentment...  my pastor preached on that a couple weeks ago.  Maybe I should go back and listen to it again!!

Thanks for listening! 

hello 2011

First post for the new year!  Hope everyone is well!

So, I finished the Twilight Saga last week.  wow!  I really enjoyed the story, I gotta say.  But the emotional roller coaster that came along with it... not so much.  If you've read any of my other post about the series, you know what I'm talking about (if not, go back and read).  I've slowly been weening myself off the addiction.  Any time the longing comes, I pray.  The Lord and I have had some intense talks lately, but I feel closer to Him than I have in a long time.  Silly how a vampire/werewolf story can draw you closer to God, but sometimes that's how He works - in the unexpected.  All that said, even though I liked the series, I do not recommend it to anyone who is prone to identifying with the character or gets emotionally involved in the story, like me.  I really think some of the material is to mature for a younger/teenage audience.  I guess I'm just old fashioned that way :)  But why stir up emotions or feelings or desires unnecessarily?  Those emotions are God-given, don't get me wrong, but they have a time and place.  They just leave me frustrated.  TMI?  maybe, but remember, this is my blog about being real and honest ;)

Anyway, moving on...

My first pastor's wife passed away Sunday morning from pancreatic cancer.  Sad that this sweet, dear woman is no longer with us. She meant a lot to my life when I was a baby Christian.  She worked with me through a lot of junk.   But, I know where she is and Who she is with, and I rejoice over that.  Actually, slightly envious :)

Through events that have happened lately in my life, the passion for Heaven is swelling in my heart.  I cannot wait to be in eternity.  Over a year ago, I felt that way, but in a scary way.  The depression type of just wanting to die.  Now, I just want to be with Jesus.  

I'm really starting to understand what Paul meant in Philippians 1:21-26 "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me"

I started reading a book by Ted Dekker called The Slumber of Christianity.  I love his fiction so I thought I'd try his non-fiction.  Its a book about how Christians have lost the passion for eternity, how we long for satisfaction in earthly things, yet never find it.  I'm only in chapter 1, I'm sure I'll have more to share here as I read it.  

God is real, Heaven is real and therefore Hell is too.  I know where I'm going, do you?