end of October already?

What a busy month!  Finished a 10k, went to KC, attempted to rescue a kitten, joined the tech team at church...

The 10k was the 17th.  It was the Go! St Louis Halloween 10k.  We got to dress up, which was fun and some people had some very interesting imaginations!  I just did my face up as a cat, nothing fancy.  But the coolest thing about what I wore was the pants!  Just simple black yoga/lounge pants from Fashion Bug, but they were a Large!  When I started losing weight I was in a 1X!  I was so excited! The first item of clothing I had purchased!  Can't wait to have the $ to do more shopping.

I finished the race 5th from last.  Not too proud of that, but hey, I finished!  1:58:31 and I had a goal of under 2 hours.  made it!  I cut about 1:30 off my 5k pace from April, so that's really cool.  I'm going to stick with 5k's for awhile and I started training to run some of them.  Races are addicting, and so fun.  BTW - 10k = 6.2 miles.

There was a kitten at work who was badly injured, not sure by what.  She was tiny, dehydrated and in a lot of pain.  I took her to the vet and tried to nurse back to health at home, but she didn't make it.  It was really sad.  But, I tried and at least she passed away in a warm bed instead of on the cold and dirty warehouse floor of the plant.

Went to KC last weekend to help with another Hopefest, like the one we did in Denver a couple months ago.  All went well.  something like 150 people answered the alter calls and 15 or so were baptized!  We got rained out 3 hours early on Saturday though.  It was nice to get home a little earlier and miss the Mizzou traffic (go Tigers!), but we could have reached more people.  Oh well, God's in charge and we did what we were supposed to do! 


Tonight we have our own outreach at church, our annual fall festival.  Should be fun, even though its cold!


I really love photography and computer stuff, so I joined the tech team at church to help out.  I think this further solidifies my membership in the geek community, and that's cool with me :)


So, October... last year it was my darkest month.  I came face-to-face with the depression monster and started fighting.  What a difference a year makes!  To explain all that the Lord has done with me in 12 months, wow, we'd be here awhile.  But if you've been following for awhile, you should have an idea.  I'm not at all saying everything is rainbows and brownies and kittens, but things are good.  I'm excited about things that are going on in my life, not just sitting around wondering when it will all end.  I hope if you know me personally, you can tell a difference.  Not just physically with the 34+ pounds I've lost, but in my attitude and actions too.

Out Live Your Life by Max Lucado

This is my first ever book review :) I received a copy of Max Lucado's new book, Out Live Your Life via BookSneeze.com in return for a review on my blog. Sweet deal!

Book description from booksneeze.com:

These are difficult days in our world's history. 1.75 billion people are desperately poor, natural disasters are gouging entire nations, and economic uncertainty still reigns across the globe. But you and I have been given an opportunity to make a big difference. What if we did? What if we rocked the world with hope? Infiltrated all corners with God's love and life? We are created by a great God to do great works. He invites us to outlive our lives, not just in heaven, but here on earth. Let's live our lives in such a way that the world will be glad we did.

I love Max Lucado's style of writing and have read a lot of his books. He writes in way that is easy to understand and he helps make the Word of God so real. Out Live Your Life is no different. Max takes us through some of the accounts of the early church from the book of Acts. Basically asking the question, could God do the same amazing things today and through us?

The answer? Yes, He can! This book will ignite your faith and passion for this lost word and the billions of people in it and are hurting and in need of Christ's salvation and hope. Max will challenge you to open your eyes to the lives that are outside of your own. I'm excited, loved the book, can't wait to read it again and to go through the questions in the back! I highly recommend this book!

follow up to 'tired'

on the singleness issue, here's more of my story so you'll understand more.  and yeah, I'm pretty open about stuff.

I've only dated one guy and that was about 12 years ago.  I got saved a few months after the break up and decided then I would be celibate until marriage (only been w/that one guy, but still).  I put all my energy toward the church and youth center I was a part of at the time.  time past, just about all my friends got married and I had a talk w/God.  He told me (paraphrasing and summarizing)  then that I would be single for a long time, to not look b/c the women in the OT didn't look - they were just doing their day-to-day duties and the guy found them.  a couple years later I decided to try online dating.  as soon as I click the submit button, I felt God say that was a waste of money.  No connections came of that site, I did take the personality test on eHarmony at that time too but never paid for it.  Never got any connections that made me want to either.  lesson learned - He said not to look, so I won't. I've also had some intense dreams about meeting 'him' and woke up in tears, begging God for the waiting to be over.  Again, summarizing, He said I wasn't ready.  All that said, I've tried to be patient, I really have.  I keep busy w/church and friends and family, have developed a lot of my personality and am a lot more outgoing than I used to be. and a lot more comfortable with myself.  I think I'm just at a point where the wall I've put up for protection - the I'm OK w/o a guy, etc - is crumbling.  I LOVE the Lord w/all my heart, but I think I'm at a point where I'm ready to share my life with someone.  and losing patience.  venting all that yesterday helped, I'm much better today.  sometimes just being honest with yourself can lighten the load.

tired

I am soooo tired.  Not just physically, but emotionally too.  So, this may be a 'bit' of a venting rant.  

My aunt's breast cancer came back recently, about the same day that my grandma (this aunt's mom) went into the hospital with blood pressure/heart rate issues.  The cancer is Stage 0, thank God.  She's getting a mastectomy soon.  G-ma is still in the hospital, probably getting a pacemaker tomorrow.

I'm doing a 10k this coming Sunday.  Originally planned on walking the whole thing, but recently found out the time limit may require me to run, or at least jog some of it.  I soooo much want to finish w/i the time limit!  Haven't trained like I should have though.  I may be in a lot of pain Sunday evening into Monday, but I'm determined.  I did a 5k in April at 1:05:20.  I need to double the distance and cut down on time... lets make that determined yet discouraged.  Is that possible?

Weight loss has stalled for months now.  I've lost inches, people tell me I look like I've lost weight.  Just wish the scale would say so too.  I know, it's not all about that number and all, but I want a smaller number dang it!!  

So tired of battling emotional eating.  I find food comforting.  Logical or not, I do.

More in debt than I had planned.  Figured out how much overtime I need to get in just to make ends meet in the next few weeks.  Guess that's easier than getting a 2nd job, or trying to do the BeautiControl thing.

OK, here it goes... my pride so does not want to admit it, my independent spirit sure as heck doesn't, but I'm tired of being single.  there, said it.  so to all the people who make this their business, who have told me I'd be so much happier with someone, there's your win.  yep, not happy about admitting this, sure not!  I want to be independent, I want to say it doesn't matter, I want to say to all who think there's someone out there for everyone to, well, stuff it.  but, here I am.  Tired of the lonely nights, tired of being frustrated after watching a simple TV show, tired of hearing songs on the radio about how God gave someone to someone, blah, blah, blah.  What am I supposed to do?  Lock myself in the house and only read the Bible?  Oh, have to skip Song of Solomon though.  Unrealistic!  Yes, I am that weak.


But more than being tired of being single... I am scared to death of trying to find someone.  Palpitations, feel like I'm going to puke, scared.  Not kidding.  So afraid of being hurt, of finding out that the person I think I want is not the same as the one is for me and of having to face faults in my life while trying to add another person in.  Yep, petrified. 

Maybe I'm just tired of feeling lonely.


I know, I know... the Lord hasn't given me a spirit of fear.  I know He'll never leave me. I know He has it all worked out.  I know, I know, I added pictures of my family to the wall at church and have people praying for their salvation.  I KNOW!  I know that what I look like doesn't matter, that failing the 10k won't end the world, I know He owns the cattle on a thousand hills.  I KNOW these temporal things will not matter in eternity.  UGH!  I tell people these things and pray for others dealing with all this a lot.  But knowing in my head and knowing in my heart are two totally different things.


But why does it all have to suck so bad right now?  Fallen world, yeah, I know that too. :P