I wonder sometimes how relationships work. This only comes to mind because of how close I became with the people who went to Scotland with me, how much I miss them, yet don't feel the same connection with a lot of the people I'm around all the time. I guess if I was away for a longer period of time I might miss them too. We prayed for the Lord to knit our hearts together even before we left and oh how He did. Must be something about going through the trenches with someone. But, are we in the trenches everyday? Constantly part of the spiritual battle going on around us. Should we be anyway? People walk in and through our lives every single day who need to know the saving grace and blood of Jesus, or who know it and need a little encouragement. Oh that we (I) could be about the Father's business constantly! I know on a short-term mission trip, or a camp or a retreat that it is just so in your face, that 'life' doesn't distract from seeking His face continually. We should pray for blinders then, not that we don't take care of 'life' but that we see Him and seeking Him first in anything.
Over time my missing my Scotland teammates will subside. It happens, I know. I don't look forward to it though. Thankfully we have pictures, so far over 2000 on just one DVD, haven't put the other one in yet! Thankfully we also have Facebook to help us stay in touch. Most of all, thankfully we have eternity :)
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
broken shell
Inspired by a devotion I read this morning, I asked for something from the Lord that scares me. Sorry, not going to tell you what. But if you know me well enough, I think you'll be able to figure it out.
I haven't asked for this in a very long time, years actually. I had built myself a little shell, fragile as an egg shell, to 'protect' myself. I don't even think I've been willing to ask again. Determined that I had figured out this part of my life and wasn't willing to let anyone tell me otherwise. Oh, I rarely told most people how I felt, usually just smiled and nodded instead of giving them my speech. But deep down, and in the middle of the night after some dreams, I would cry to God and ask why not me? Was there some magic formula to being in the place in my life that this would even be possible? No, I knew there wasn't, had to wait and let Him mold me. But in the meantime, I would protect myself by thinking it would never happen.
Someday it will find me, that I'm certain of. I can't go looking for it, I just have to be willing to let it happen. To live in the here and now and take every lesson from God to heart, to prepare for the season to come. Like a squirrl hording nuts for the winter. Maybe that seems like a bad analogy, maybe it is. I don't expect a 'winter' season, just knowing that there are lessons learned here that are not (as easily?) learned there.
Really, have you not figured it out yet? Even if you have, I ask that you not post a comment letting me know. Email me privately, please, if you have anything to say about this. I mean that in love, honestly. Just because the shell is broken, doesn't mean my heart isn't fragile in this. There are many hurts from the past that I fear. I know He hasn't given a spirit of fear, and this will be a blessing... He just needs to heal some really deep scars, I need to be willing to let Him.
I haven't asked for this in a very long time, years actually. I had built myself a little shell, fragile as an egg shell, to 'protect' myself. I don't even think I've been willing to ask again. Determined that I had figured out this part of my life and wasn't willing to let anyone tell me otherwise. Oh, I rarely told most people how I felt, usually just smiled and nodded instead of giving them my speech. But deep down, and in the middle of the night after some dreams, I would cry to God and ask why not me? Was there some magic formula to being in the place in my life that this would even be possible? No, I knew there wasn't, had to wait and let Him mold me. But in the meantime, I would protect myself by thinking it would never happen.
Someday it will find me, that I'm certain of. I can't go looking for it, I just have to be willing to let it happen. To live in the here and now and take every lesson from God to heart, to prepare for the season to come. Like a squirrl hording nuts for the winter. Maybe that seems like a bad analogy, maybe it is. I don't expect a 'winter' season, just knowing that there are lessons learned here that are not (as easily?) learned there.
Really, have you not figured it out yet? Even if you have, I ask that you not post a comment letting me know. Email me privately, please, if you have anything to say about this. I mean that in love, honestly. Just because the shell is broken, doesn't mean my heart isn't fragile in this. There are many hurts from the past that I fear. I know He hasn't given a spirit of fear, and this will be a blessing... He just needs to heal some really deep scars, I need to be willing to let Him.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Amazed :)
I asked God to amaze me a few months ago. Not something to ask for the faint of heart. Kind of like praying for patience, you don't get you learn it. Asking God to show you His hand at work in your life means He'll take you through somethings and amaze you with the results. Not only of what He can do, but what He can do through you.
This was the first trip I've taken completely debt free! With the fee of the trip plus spending money, I only spent $800 of my own money, most of which was through a tax refund. When I was making out my thank you cards before the trip, I realized I hadn't bought enough, I ended up needing about 40! That includes everyone who donated, prayed and/or helped with the yard sales. That is amazing to me!
During the trip, I was able to do a lot more work than I thought I could. The MS didn't show it's ugly self until almost the end of the last day of work, and I was good to go the next day anyway. I used power tools, I did yard work, I moved heavy things, I gave 2 testimonies, all without stress or anxiety. I ran through the London subway with luggage in tow (well, one of the guys traded with me, but still) without skipping a beat. I hope you get this, with the MS and depression, these are things I normally wouldn't be able to do, or at least think I couldn't do.
Even though we didn't get to minister to many of the Scots, we ministered to each other and to the missionaries in Scotland. I was able to open up more than I normally would with complete strangers, people who now are dear family.
As the soreness and bruises fade, I pray the relationships and the awe of God's amazing power do not.
Going forward... I know there are things I want to do, I now know I can overcome my fears. I feel called to the nations, and back to Scotland. I know He will guide and provide, I just ask where and when? It's not always for me to know how.
Lord, thank You soooo much for this opportunity. Thank You for the people that are now a part of my heart. Thank You for working through me and teaching me new things. Thank You for being Who You are, and loving me. And thank You for all those who support me. Bless them in ways that amaze them. Amen.
This was the first trip I've taken completely debt free! With the fee of the trip plus spending money, I only spent $800 of my own money, most of which was through a tax refund. When I was making out my thank you cards before the trip, I realized I hadn't bought enough, I ended up needing about 40! That includes everyone who donated, prayed and/or helped with the yard sales. That is amazing to me!
During the trip, I was able to do a lot more work than I thought I could. The MS didn't show it's ugly self until almost the end of the last day of work, and I was good to go the next day anyway. I used power tools, I did yard work, I moved heavy things, I gave 2 testimonies, all without stress or anxiety. I ran through the London subway with luggage in tow (well, one of the guys traded with me, but still) without skipping a beat. I hope you get this, with the MS and depression, these are things I normally wouldn't be able to do, or at least think I couldn't do.
Even though we didn't get to minister to many of the Scots, we ministered to each other and to the missionaries in Scotland. I was able to open up more than I normally would with complete strangers, people who now are dear family.
As the soreness and bruises fade, I pray the relationships and the awe of God's amazing power do not.
Going forward... I know there are things I want to do, I now know I can overcome my fears. I feel called to the nations, and back to Scotland. I know He will guide and provide, I just ask where and when? It's not always for me to know how.
Lord, thank You soooo much for this opportunity. Thank You for the people that are now a part of my heart. Thank You for working through me and teaching me new things. Thank You for being Who You are, and loving me. And thank You for all those who support me. Bless them in ways that amaze them. Amen.
so, what happened in Scotland?
I kinda dropped the ball on updating this everyday while I was in Scotland, like I had planned. Oh well, I'll try to recap as much as I can now...
Fri-left STL for Atlanta around 3pm. They had shut down ATL's airport b/c of high winds and we circled for about an hour. With the pilot telling us we were low on gas and may have to land somewhere else to refuel, but luckily we didn't. After claiming my luggage and checking back into another airline, I noticed a group of people ahead of me in line. I kept thinking they looked familiar (from FB), and it turned out they were part of the team. We had dinner at TGIFridays, where we learned that restaurants can't give you real knives past the security checkpoint, so the guys were cutting their steak and chicken with plastic knives. Interesting! 10 of the 12 on the team made the flight to London. 2 that didn't were from Detroit and their plan arrived too late.
Sat - arrived in London and had to catch a train to Glasgow. BA was dealing with strikes and were so kind to cancel our flight :(. One girl's luggage didn't arrive in London also. We run through the London Tube (subway) with all our luggage and just missed the train we were supposed to be on. Ate lunch and then caught a train. Riding backwards the whole way, but very pretty scenery. Arrived in Glasgow, Ryan picked us up and we headed to Overtoun House, which is beautiful!! Had dinner, a short orientation and a team meeting and then headed to sleep.
Sun - church. A few of us gave testimonies (including me) and we broke bread with the members of the church. The bread was really good too, homemade! The youth were having a lunch fundraiser, so we had lunch with the church too. After, we got a tour of the house and later went on a hike. The land is so pretty. A girl from the church gave me a pair of tap shoes too! That was really cool :)
Mon - starting work on the house! we were split up into many groups, and I started the morning cleaning out a cabinet full of towels and sheets. See, water had leaked on them back on Valentine's day and no one knew about it. We threw a lot away, but were able to save some, which we then put through the wash. Then headed up a few floors and cleaned one of the dorms and set up the furniture. It was so pretty when we were finished! That evening we watch a Passion conference video about how great our God is. Hard to put into words, but makes me feel very small in comparison to the universe, but so loved that God knows me by name!
Tues - was assigned to work in the basement building stalls in a new bathroom. Learned how to use a grinder to shorten some nails and a table saw. That evening we kinda just hung out. We had a really good girl talk in our dorm room too.
Wed - worked in the basement finishing up what we worked on the day before. Got to know Grace and Matt, which was really cool. After lunch, headed outside!! Raked a lot of grass and weeds, and since the temp was a little chilly, I really enjoyed it :) And before anyone asks, the reason I don't do that so much at home is usually the temp. But whatever. I had a heart-to-heart that evening with one of my new BFF's about some personal stuff, but it was really nice to connect with someone.
Thurs - some brush needed clearing on one of roads, so we worked on that all morning and afternoon. I was on the team that ran the branches to the discard pile up the road. This involved loading the branches on the trailer, riding either on top of those branches or on the 4-wheeler, unloading the branches, and heading back to get more. Made quite a few trips. Close to quiting time, on a pretty full load, I rode on top of the branches and my body had had enough. MS, which had hid its ugly head all week, showed up. Basically my left side had no more strength. I went back to the house and rested for awhile, and the team was finished with that project about 45 min or so later. We cleaned up the main level of the house for the tea room that would be open the next day. Later, part of the team went on another hike and a few of us stayed back. We went on a smaller hike around the house. We hung out with the missionaries for awhile and prayed over them.
Fri - got up early and headed to Edinburgh (capitol of Scotland) for a free day. We took a train there and then took a bus tour of the city. We toured the castle and went shopping. Had dinner at a fish and chips place (I had chicken and chips) and headed back home. We debriefed and shared our favorite moments. Packed and headed to bed.
Sat - got up really early to fly home. while waiting in the London airport, we had 'church' and a few of us gave testimonies. This time more of the where we came from kind. I gave mine too. I took a couple Benadryl and slept almost to whole flight to Atlanta. In Atlanta we said our good-bye's, better yet, our see-you-on-facebook's and parted ways. Arrived back in STL around midnight, got home and crashed.
I met so many amazing people on this trip, friendships that I pray will last a lifetime. Did things I didn't think I could. Learned a lot about myself too. While we didn't do all the things we thought we would while there, God worked everything out and we were touched deeply.
Cannot wait for the next mission trip and really cannot wait to go back to Scotland!
Fri-left STL for Atlanta around 3pm. They had shut down ATL's airport b/c of high winds and we circled for about an hour. With the pilot telling us we were low on gas and may have to land somewhere else to refuel, but luckily we didn't. After claiming my luggage and checking back into another airline, I noticed a group of people ahead of me in line. I kept thinking they looked familiar (from FB), and it turned out they were part of the team. We had dinner at TGIFridays, where we learned that restaurants can't give you real knives past the security checkpoint, so the guys were cutting their steak and chicken with plastic knives. Interesting! 10 of the 12 on the team made the flight to London. 2 that didn't were from Detroit and their plan arrived too late.
Sat - arrived in London and had to catch a train to Glasgow. BA was dealing with strikes and were so kind to cancel our flight :(. One girl's luggage didn't arrive in London also. We run through the London Tube (subway) with all our luggage and just missed the train we were supposed to be on. Ate lunch and then caught a train. Riding backwards the whole way, but very pretty scenery. Arrived in Glasgow, Ryan picked us up and we headed to Overtoun House, which is beautiful!! Had dinner, a short orientation and a team meeting and then headed to sleep.
Sun - church. A few of us gave testimonies (including me) and we broke bread with the members of the church. The bread was really good too, homemade! The youth were having a lunch fundraiser, so we had lunch with the church too. After, we got a tour of the house and later went on a hike. The land is so pretty. A girl from the church gave me a pair of tap shoes too! That was really cool :)
Mon - starting work on the house! we were split up into many groups, and I started the morning cleaning out a cabinet full of towels and sheets. See, water had leaked on them back on Valentine's day and no one knew about it. We threw a lot away, but were able to save some, which we then put through the wash. Then headed up a few floors and cleaned one of the dorms and set up the furniture. It was so pretty when we were finished! That evening we watch a Passion conference video about how great our God is. Hard to put into words, but makes me feel very small in comparison to the universe, but so loved that God knows me by name!
Tues - was assigned to work in the basement building stalls in a new bathroom. Learned how to use a grinder to shorten some nails and a table saw. That evening we kinda just hung out. We had a really good girl talk in our dorm room too.
Wed - worked in the basement finishing up what we worked on the day before. Got to know Grace and Matt, which was really cool. After lunch, headed outside!! Raked a lot of grass and weeds, and since the temp was a little chilly, I really enjoyed it :) And before anyone asks, the reason I don't do that so much at home is usually the temp. But whatever. I had a heart-to-heart that evening with one of my new BFF's about some personal stuff, but it was really nice to connect with someone.
Thurs - some brush needed clearing on one of roads, so we worked on that all morning and afternoon. I was on the team that ran the branches to the discard pile up the road. This involved loading the branches on the trailer, riding either on top of those branches or on the 4-wheeler, unloading the branches, and heading back to get more. Made quite a few trips. Close to quiting time, on a pretty full load, I rode on top of the branches and my body had had enough. MS, which had hid its ugly head all week, showed up. Basically my left side had no more strength. I went back to the house and rested for awhile, and the team was finished with that project about 45 min or so later. We cleaned up the main level of the house for the tea room that would be open the next day. Later, part of the team went on another hike and a few of us stayed back. We went on a smaller hike around the house. We hung out with the missionaries for awhile and prayed over them.
Fri - got up early and headed to Edinburgh (capitol of Scotland) for a free day. We took a train there and then took a bus tour of the city. We toured the castle and went shopping. Had dinner at a fish and chips place (I had chicken and chips) and headed back home. We debriefed and shared our favorite moments. Packed and headed to bed.
Sat - got up really early to fly home. while waiting in the London airport, we had 'church' and a few of us gave testimonies. This time more of the where we came from kind. I gave mine too. I took a couple Benadryl and slept almost to whole flight to Atlanta. In Atlanta we said our good-bye's, better yet, our see-you-on-facebook's and parted ways. Arrived back in STL around midnight, got home and crashed.
I met so many amazing people on this trip, friendships that I pray will last a lifetime. Did things I didn't think I could. Learned a lot about myself too. While we didn't do all the things we thought we would while there, God worked everything out and we were touched deeply.
Cannot wait for the next mission trip and really cannot wait to go back to Scotland!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Arrived!
Seriously loving Scotland!! The temperature is perfect and it is so so pretty!
That aside, God has been amazing. There have been soooo many obstacles come our way, yet it all worked out. British Airways is in the middle of strikes, so they canceled our flight from London to Glasgow, but we got to take a train. We were a little late to the train and had to wait for the next one. Imagine this, 10 Americans running through the subway of London, with all our luggage trying to catch a train. It was a sight. The train we got was nice though. 4.5 hour ride, but got to see a lot of the country side. Oh, and 2 of our team missed the flight from Atlanta to London because of the storms. We weren't sure if they would make it, but ended up with a flight directly from Atlanta to Glasgow, and arrived this morning. Just in time for church.
Church was nice. A few of us gave testimonies, including me. I talked about having PCOS, MS and depression yet how God has brought me through. The other testimonies all had a similar message of faith and hope and living for God, which was cool how God worked all that out. The people seemed to be real touched. We all prayed for one another and I got to talk to some people. I understood most of what they said ;) One girl had back problems and loves to dance. We talked some and I told her that I once tried to take tap lessons from a friend but the MS and muscle spasms got in the way. Anyway, she came back to visit me this evening and gave me a pair of tap shoes! How cool? They fit too!
Well, my feet are a little swollen though. We went on a hike earlier for a couple hours through some rolling hills here on the land. I think they'll fit well later.
The hike was gorgeous. I wanted to give up a few times, but so glad I stuck it out. The pictures are amazing.
Back to the obstacles. Since BA cancelled the flight, they're supposed to be paying for our train tickets, which will even cover that we had to transfer to another train.
There have been other behind the scenes struggles, I might talk about those later. But through it all, God has been blessing us. I look forward to the rest of this week to see what else He has in store!
That aside, God has been amazing. There have been soooo many obstacles come our way, yet it all worked out. British Airways is in the middle of strikes, so they canceled our flight from London to Glasgow, but we got to take a train. We were a little late to the train and had to wait for the next one. Imagine this, 10 Americans running through the subway of London, with all our luggage trying to catch a train. It was a sight. The train we got was nice though. 4.5 hour ride, but got to see a lot of the country side. Oh, and 2 of our team missed the flight from Atlanta to London because of the storms. We weren't sure if they would make it, but ended up with a flight directly from Atlanta to Glasgow, and arrived this morning. Just in time for church.
Church was nice. A few of us gave testimonies, including me. I talked about having PCOS, MS and depression yet how God has brought me through. The other testimonies all had a similar message of faith and hope and living for God, which was cool how God worked all that out. The people seemed to be real touched. We all prayed for one another and I got to talk to some people. I understood most of what they said ;) One girl had back problems and loves to dance. We talked some and I told her that I once tried to take tap lessons from a friend but the MS and muscle spasms got in the way. Anyway, she came back to visit me this evening and gave me a pair of tap shoes! How cool? They fit too!
Well, my feet are a little swollen though. We went on a hike earlier for a couple hours through some rolling hills here on the land. I think they'll fit well later.
The hike was gorgeous. I wanted to give up a few times, but so glad I stuck it out. The pictures are amazing.
Back to the obstacles. Since BA cancelled the flight, they're supposed to be paying for our train tickets, which will even cover that we had to transfer to another train.
There have been other behind the scenes struggles, I might talk about those later. But through it all, God has been blessing us. I look forward to the rest of this week to see what else He has in store!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
almost time!
I'm really leaving for Scotland tomorrow, wow!!!! Feels like I've been planning for so long, hard to believe it's here already. Very excited!
I will have internet access while I'm there, and planning to take my laptop. Hope to be able to update often, but we'll see.
Earlier I had planned on writing a lot more, but I seem to be getting really sleepy. maybe I'll write more tomorrow while I'm sitting in the airport.
I will have internet access while I'm there, and planning to take my laptop. Hope to be able to update often, but we'll see.
Earlier I had planned on writing a lot more, but I seem to be getting really sleepy. maybe I'll write more tomorrow while I'm sitting in the airport.
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