went a whole month w/o blogging? what's up with that? rough month, that's what.
been kinda down lately. that time of year? most likely. went to my doc yesterday and we're uping my Zoloft. I'm doing a lot better overall, but I've had some really bad moments lately and don't know how I'll do through the rest of the holidays.
Don't get me wrong, I love Thanksgiving and Christmas and the New Year, and my birthday. There are a lot of good things going on. but I'm sure I'm not alone on this: I feel lonely. like I said, that time of year. not just the holidays, but events in my past that have help make me who I am today happened this time of year too. ugh, rather not talk about it here though.
Anyway! hit my 1/2 way point on the weight loss goal earlier this month :) gained a couple pounds back the last few weeks, but still really close to 1/2 way.
did a 5k on Thanksgiving morning. it was cold and rainy and I was fighting a cold, but I still managed to have my best pace yet :) finished in 54:35 (according to my watch, the official time is 54:48, close enough). that's 11 minutes off my time in April!! next? a 5k Jan 9th, or maybe one on Dec 18th. need to train more though.
Might write more later, just wanted to check in
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
end of October already?
What a busy month! Finished a 10k, went to KC, attempted to rescue a kitten, joined the tech team at church...
The 10k was the 17th. It was the Go! St Louis Halloween 10k. We got to dress up, which was fun and some people had some very interesting imaginations! I just did my face up as a cat, nothing fancy. But the coolest thing about what I wore was the pants! Just simple black yoga/lounge pants from Fashion Bug, but they were a Large! When I started losing weight I was in a 1X! I was so excited! The first item of clothing I had purchased! Can't wait to have the $ to do more shopping.
I finished the race 5th from last. Not too proud of that, but hey, I finished! 1:58:31 and I had a goal of under 2 hours. made it! I cut about 1:30 off my 5k pace from April, so that's really cool. I'm going to stick with 5k's for awhile and I started training to run some of them. Races are addicting, and so fun. BTW - 10k = 6.2 miles.
There was a kitten at work who was badly injured, not sure by what. She was tiny, dehydrated and in a lot of pain. I took her to the vet and tried to nurse back to health at home, but she didn't make it. It was really sad. But, I tried and at least she passed away in a warm bed instead of on the cold and dirty warehouse floor of the plant.
Went to KC last weekend to help with another Hopefest, like the one we did in Denver a couple months ago. All went well. something like 150 people answered the alter calls and 15 or so were baptized! We got rained out 3 hours early on Saturday though. It was nice to get home a little earlier and miss the Mizzou traffic (go Tigers!), but we could have reached more people. Oh well, God's in charge and we did what we were supposed to do!
Tonight we have our own outreach at church, our annual fall festival. Should be fun, even though its cold!
I really love photography and computer stuff, so I joined the tech team at church to help out. I think this further solidifies my membership in the geek community, and that's cool with me :)
So, October... last year it was my darkest month. I came face-to-face with the depression monster and started fighting. What a difference a year makes! To explain all that the Lord has done with me in 12 months, wow, we'd be here awhile. But if you've been following for awhile, you should have an idea. I'm not at all saying everything is rainbows and brownies and kittens, but things are good. I'm excited about things that are going on in my life, not just sitting around wondering when it will all end. I hope if you know me personally, you can tell a difference. Not just physically with the 34+ pounds I've lost, but in my attitude and actions too.
The 10k was the 17th. It was the Go! St Louis Halloween 10k. We got to dress up, which was fun and some people had some very interesting imaginations! I just did my face up as a cat, nothing fancy. But the coolest thing about what I wore was the pants! Just simple black yoga/lounge pants from Fashion Bug, but they were a Large! When I started losing weight I was in a 1X! I was so excited! The first item of clothing I had purchased! Can't wait to have the $ to do more shopping.
I finished the race 5th from last. Not too proud of that, but hey, I finished! 1:58:31 and I had a goal of under 2 hours. made it! I cut about 1:30 off my 5k pace from April, so that's really cool. I'm going to stick with 5k's for awhile and I started training to run some of them. Races are addicting, and so fun. BTW - 10k = 6.2 miles.
There was a kitten at work who was badly injured, not sure by what. She was tiny, dehydrated and in a lot of pain. I took her to the vet and tried to nurse back to health at home, but she didn't make it. It was really sad. But, I tried and at least she passed away in a warm bed instead of on the cold and dirty warehouse floor of the plant.
Went to KC last weekend to help with another Hopefest, like the one we did in Denver a couple months ago. All went well. something like 150 people answered the alter calls and 15 or so were baptized! We got rained out 3 hours early on Saturday though. It was nice to get home a little earlier and miss the Mizzou traffic (go Tigers!), but we could have reached more people. Oh well, God's in charge and we did what we were supposed to do!
Tonight we have our own outreach at church, our annual fall festival. Should be fun, even though its cold!
I really love photography and computer stuff, so I joined the tech team at church to help out. I think this further solidifies my membership in the geek community, and that's cool with me :)
So, October... last year it was my darkest month. I came face-to-face with the depression monster and started fighting. What a difference a year makes! To explain all that the Lord has done with me in 12 months, wow, we'd be here awhile. But if you've been following for awhile, you should have an idea. I'm not at all saying everything is rainbows and brownies and kittens, but things are good. I'm excited about things that are going on in my life, not just sitting around wondering when it will all end. I hope if you know me personally, you can tell a difference. Not just physically with the 34+ pounds I've lost, but in my attitude and actions too.
Out Live Your Life by Max Lucado
This is my first ever book review :) I received a copy of Max Lucado's new book, Out Live Your Life via BookSneeze.com in return for a review on my blog. Sweet deal!
Book description from booksneeze.com:
These are difficult days in our world's history. 1.75 billion people are desperately poor, natural disasters are gouging entire nations, and economic uncertainty still reigns across the globe. But you and I have been given an opportunity to make a big difference. What if we did? What if we rocked the world with hope? Infiltrated all corners with God's love and life? We are created by a great God to do great works. He invites us to outlive our lives, not just in heaven, but here on earth. Let's live our lives in such a way that the world will be glad we did.
I love Max Lucado's style of writing and have read a lot of his books. He writes in way that is easy to understand and he helps make the Word of God so real. Out Live Your Life is no different. Max takes us through some of the accounts of the early church from the book of Acts. Basically asking the question, could God do the same amazing things today and through us?
The answer? Yes, He can! This book will ignite your faith and passion for this lost word and the billions of people in it and are hurting and in need of Christ's salvation and hope. Max will challenge you to open your eyes to the lives that are outside of your own. I'm excited, loved the book, can't wait to read it again and to go through the questions in the back! I highly recommend this book!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
follow up to 'tired'
on the singleness issue, here's more of my story so you'll understand more. and yeah, I'm pretty open about stuff.
I've only dated one guy and that was about 12 years ago. I got saved a few months after the break up and decided then I would be celibate until marriage (only been w/that one guy, but still). I put all my energy toward the church and youth center I was a part of at the time. time past, just about all my friends got married and I had a talk w/God. He told me (paraphrasing and summarizing) then that I would be single for a long time, to not look b/c the women in the OT didn't look - they were just doing their day-to-day duties and the guy found them. a couple years later I decided to try online dating. as soon as I click the submit button, I felt God say that was a waste of money. No connections came of that site, I did take the personality test on eHarmony at that time too but never paid for it. Never got any connections that made me want to either. lesson learned - He said not to look, so I won't. I've also had some intense dreams about meeting 'him' and woke up in tears, begging God for the waiting to be over. Again, summarizing, He said I wasn't ready. All that said, I've tried to be patient, I really have. I keep busy w/church and friends and family, have developed a lot of my personality and am a lot more outgoing than I used to be. and a lot more comfortable with myself. I think I'm just at a point where the wall I've put up for protection - the I'm OK w/o a guy, etc - is crumbling. I LOVE the Lord w/all my heart, but I think I'm at a point where I'm ready to share my life with someone. and losing patience. venting all that yesterday helped, I'm much better today. sometimes just being honest with yourself can lighten the load.
Monday, October 11, 2010
tired
I am soooo tired. Not just physically, but emotionally too. So, this may be a 'bit' of a venting rant.
My aunt's breast cancer came back recently, about the same day that my grandma (this aunt's mom) went into the hospital with blood pressure/heart rate issues. The cancer is Stage 0, thank God. She's getting a mastectomy soon. G-ma is still in the hospital, probably getting a pacemaker tomorrow.
I'm doing a 10k this coming Sunday. Originally planned on walking the whole thing, but recently found out the time limit may require me to run, or at least jog some of it. I soooo much want to finish w/i the time limit! Haven't trained like I should have though. I may be in a lot of pain Sunday evening into Monday, but I'm determined. I did a 5k in April at 1:05:20. I need to double the distance and cut down on time... lets make that determined yet discouraged. Is that possible?
Weight loss has stalled for months now. I've lost inches, people tell me I look like I've lost weight. Just wish the scale would say so too. I know, it's not all about that number and all, but I want a smaller number dang it!!
So tired of battling emotional eating. I find food comforting. Logical or not, I do.
More in debt than I had planned. Figured out how much overtime I need to get in just to make ends meet in the next few weeks. Guess that's easier than getting a 2nd job, or trying to do the BeautiControl thing.
OK, here it goes... my pride so does not want to admit it, my independent spirit sure as heck doesn't, but I'm tired of being single. there, said it. so to all the people who make this their business, who have told me I'd be so much happier with someone, there's your win. yep, not happy about admitting this, sure not! I want to be independent, I want to say it doesn't matter, I want to say to all who think there's someone out there for everyone to, well, stuff it. but, here I am. Tired of the lonely nights, tired of being frustrated after watching a simple TV show, tired of hearing songs on the radio about how God gave someone to someone, blah, blah, blah. What am I supposed to do? Lock myself in the house and only read the Bible? Oh, have to skip Song of Solomon though. Unrealistic! Yes, I am that weak.
But more than being tired of being single... I am scared to death of trying to find someone. Palpitations, feel like I'm going to puke, scared. Not kidding. So afraid of being hurt, of finding out that the person I think I want is not the same as the one is for me and of having to face faults in my life while trying to add another person in. Yep, petrified.
Maybe I'm just tired of feeling lonely.
I know, I know... the Lord hasn't given me a spirit of fear. I know He'll never leave me. I know He has it all worked out. I know, I know, I added pictures of my family to the wall at church and have people praying for their salvation. I KNOW! I know that what I look like doesn't matter, that failing the 10k won't end the world, I know He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. I KNOW these temporal things will not matter in eternity. UGH! I tell people these things and pray for others dealing with all this a lot. But knowing in my head and knowing in my heart are two totally different things.
But why does it all have to suck so bad right now? Fallen world, yeah, I know that too. :P
My aunt's breast cancer came back recently, about the same day that my grandma (this aunt's mom) went into the hospital with blood pressure/heart rate issues. The cancer is Stage 0, thank God. She's getting a mastectomy soon. G-ma is still in the hospital, probably getting a pacemaker tomorrow.
I'm doing a 10k this coming Sunday. Originally planned on walking the whole thing, but recently found out the time limit may require me to run, or at least jog some of it. I soooo much want to finish w/i the time limit! Haven't trained like I should have though. I may be in a lot of pain Sunday evening into Monday, but I'm determined. I did a 5k in April at 1:05:20. I need to double the distance and cut down on time... lets make that determined yet discouraged. Is that possible?
Weight loss has stalled for months now. I've lost inches, people tell me I look like I've lost weight. Just wish the scale would say so too. I know, it's not all about that number and all, but I want a smaller number dang it!!
So tired of battling emotional eating. I find food comforting. Logical or not, I do.
More in debt than I had planned. Figured out how much overtime I need to get in just to make ends meet in the next few weeks. Guess that's easier than getting a 2nd job, or trying to do the BeautiControl thing.
OK, here it goes... my pride so does not want to admit it, my independent spirit sure as heck doesn't, but I'm tired of being single. there, said it. so to all the people who make this their business, who have told me I'd be so much happier with someone, there's your win. yep, not happy about admitting this, sure not! I want to be independent, I want to say it doesn't matter, I want to say to all who think there's someone out there for everyone to, well, stuff it. but, here I am. Tired of the lonely nights, tired of being frustrated after watching a simple TV show, tired of hearing songs on the radio about how God gave someone to someone, blah, blah, blah. What am I supposed to do? Lock myself in the house and only read the Bible? Oh, have to skip Song of Solomon though. Unrealistic! Yes, I am that weak.
But more than being tired of being single... I am scared to death of trying to find someone. Palpitations, feel like I'm going to puke, scared. Not kidding. So afraid of being hurt, of finding out that the person I think I want is not the same as the one is for me and of having to face faults in my life while trying to add another person in. Yep, petrified.
Maybe I'm just tired of feeling lonely.
I know, I know... the Lord hasn't given me a spirit of fear. I know He'll never leave me. I know He has it all worked out. I know, I know, I added pictures of my family to the wall at church and have people praying for their salvation. I KNOW! I know that what I look like doesn't matter, that failing the 10k won't end the world, I know He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. I KNOW these temporal things will not matter in eternity. UGH! I tell people these things and pray for others dealing with all this a lot. But knowing in my head and knowing in my heart are two totally different things.
But why does it all have to suck so bad right now? Fallen world, yeah, I know that too. :P
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Spike Diet giveaway
this guy's story is pretty cool, no nonsense. check out his current giveaway, and the rest of his blog.
http://spikediet.blogspot.com/2010/09/time-for-giveaway.html
http://spikediet.blogspot.com/2010/09/time-for-giveaway.html
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
0.8 pounds from half way :)
Other areas of my life first
I know not everyone cares about the weight loss, so here's what else is going on in my life. The promotion at work is still in the works. We have someone we're in the process of hiring to take over the HR and ISO stuff so I can focus on the inventory and logistics stuff. Long process. Still have mixed emotions about it all. I know there's areas of HR that I'll miss, but I'm excited about the advancement opportunity.
Summer is just about over, and MS didn't kick my butt too hard. Very much looking forward to the 60-70 degree weather though! Allergies, however, continue to kick my butt!
God is moving and preparing us for work! Things at church are picking up. I recently started a new small group, leading it this time. I also signed up to be a part of the tech team, helping with visuals. I feel like I got a year 'off' to heal and get my spiritual strength back up, now it's time to get to work! I love that He never gives up on us, even though we soooo deserve it. His grace is enough!
Going (back to) Denver this weekend! This time for ladies' retreat/conference. Going to Vegas in Oct to actually stay at our timeshare, then KC later in Oct for another outreach. I love to travel, can you tell?!?! ;)
Weight loss
My current goal is to get down to 150, as of this morning I am at 187.8. The highest weight I have recorded is 224. So to be 1/2 way, I need to lose 0.8 more pounds :) That makes me happy!
I plateaued for a little while, um, about 3 months actually. So aggravating! It didn't help that I was weighing myself constantly, hoping it would go down. I thought I could put the scale away for a month, not so much. I lasted a week. I've learned that I need to weigh every morning just to keep myself accountable daily. BUT I can't let myself get upset when it goes up a little. Water weight - lost and gained - is a very real thing and can throw a person off course. Best measurable of all, for me, is that none of my cloths fit anymore :) Since I didn't measure myself in the beginning of all this, I have no real idea of how many inches I've lost so far. I know from Aug to Sept I lost 4, and only 0.4 lbs.
The reason I said 'my current goal' is because once I get to 150, I might want to lose more, or concentrate more on strength. We'll see how I feel about it all when (not if) I get there. Next Spring is the plan on that BTW :)
Halloween 10k in less than 5 weeks! Haven't been training like I should, but not doing too bad either. Shin splints are the worse thing ever!!
As I've learned from a lot of my friends on MFP (myfitnesspal.com) and from others I know who are losing or have lost weight, most people want to know how we do it. Ready for the honest truth?? Hard work and determination. Ouch, yeah, I know, it sucks. But NO pill, NO special diet, NO miraculous exercise machine can do it. Yeah, you could lose a lot of weight real quick w/one or all of those, but it won't last. Sorry. Its a lifestyle change. But you know what else???? I still eat the things I love. Just less or I make up for it in working out. I've done some studying on it and come to the conclusion that I will allow myself 'cheat' or 'spike' days. Trick has been to only allow these about once every 7 - 10 days. I stick to around 1500 calories a day, usually going over a little. Every now and then I go over 2000, gasp! I know. But 36 pounds lighter and an unknown number of pants sizes less... it works for me. Kinda tricks my metabolism.
I feel like I'm pretty open and honest about the way I'm losing weight, and any other area of my life. So ask me if you have questions :)
I know not everyone cares about the weight loss, so here's what else is going on in my life. The promotion at work is still in the works. We have someone we're in the process of hiring to take over the HR and ISO stuff so I can focus on the inventory and logistics stuff. Long process. Still have mixed emotions about it all. I know there's areas of HR that I'll miss, but I'm excited about the advancement opportunity.
Summer is just about over, and MS didn't kick my butt too hard. Very much looking forward to the 60-70 degree weather though! Allergies, however, continue to kick my butt!
God is moving and preparing us for work! Things at church are picking up. I recently started a new small group, leading it this time. I also signed up to be a part of the tech team, helping with visuals. I feel like I got a year 'off' to heal and get my spiritual strength back up, now it's time to get to work! I love that He never gives up on us, even though we soooo deserve it. His grace is enough!
Going (back to) Denver this weekend! This time for ladies' retreat/conference. Going to Vegas in Oct to actually stay at our timeshare, then KC later in Oct for another outreach. I love to travel, can you tell?!?! ;)
Weight loss
My current goal is to get down to 150, as of this morning I am at 187.8. The highest weight I have recorded is 224. So to be 1/2 way, I need to lose 0.8 more pounds :) That makes me happy!
I plateaued for a little while, um, about 3 months actually. So aggravating! It didn't help that I was weighing myself constantly, hoping it would go down. I thought I could put the scale away for a month, not so much. I lasted a week. I've learned that I need to weigh every morning just to keep myself accountable daily. BUT I can't let myself get upset when it goes up a little. Water weight - lost and gained - is a very real thing and can throw a person off course. Best measurable of all, for me, is that none of my cloths fit anymore :) Since I didn't measure myself in the beginning of all this, I have no real idea of how many inches I've lost so far. I know from Aug to Sept I lost 4, and only 0.4 lbs.
The reason I said 'my current goal' is because once I get to 150, I might want to lose more, or concentrate more on strength. We'll see how I feel about it all when (not if) I get there. Next Spring is the plan on that BTW :)
Halloween 10k in less than 5 weeks! Haven't been training like I should, but not doing too bad either. Shin splints are the worse thing ever!!
As I've learned from a lot of my friends on MFP (myfitnesspal.com) and from others I know who are losing or have lost weight, most people want to know how we do it. Ready for the honest truth?? Hard work and determination. Ouch, yeah, I know, it sucks. But NO pill, NO special diet, NO miraculous exercise machine can do it. Yeah, you could lose a lot of weight real quick w/one or all of those, but it won't last. Sorry. Its a lifestyle change. But you know what else???? I still eat the things I love. Just less or I make up for it in working out. I've done some studying on it and come to the conclusion that I will allow myself 'cheat' or 'spike' days. Trick has been to only allow these about once every 7 - 10 days. I stick to around 1500 calories a day, usually going over a little. Every now and then I go over 2000, gasp! I know. But 36 pounds lighter and an unknown number of pants sizes less... it works for me. Kinda tricks my metabolism.
I feel like I'm pretty open and honest about the way I'm losing weight, and any other area of my life. So ask me if you have questions :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)