follow up to 'tired'

on the singleness issue, here's more of my story so you'll understand more.  and yeah, I'm pretty open about stuff.

I've only dated one guy and that was about 12 years ago.  I got saved a few months after the break up and decided then I would be celibate until marriage (only been w/that one guy, but still).  I put all my energy toward the church and youth center I was a part of at the time.  time past, just about all my friends got married and I had a talk w/God.  He told me (paraphrasing and summarizing)  then that I would be single for a long time, to not look b/c the women in the OT didn't look - they were just doing their day-to-day duties and the guy found them.  a couple years later I decided to try online dating.  as soon as I click the submit button, I felt God say that was a waste of money.  No connections came of that site, I did take the personality test on eHarmony at that time too but never paid for it.  Never got any connections that made me want to either.  lesson learned - He said not to look, so I won't. I've also had some intense dreams about meeting 'him' and woke up in tears, begging God for the waiting to be over.  Again, summarizing, He said I wasn't ready.  All that said, I've tried to be patient, I really have.  I keep busy w/church and friends and family, have developed a lot of my personality and am a lot more outgoing than I used to be. and a lot more comfortable with myself.  I think I'm just at a point where the wall I've put up for protection - the I'm OK w/o a guy, etc - is crumbling.  I LOVE the Lord w/all my heart, but I think I'm at a point where I'm ready to share my life with someone.  and losing patience.  venting all that yesterday helped, I'm much better today.  sometimes just being honest with yourself can lighten the load.