random thoughts

so many random things going through my head, not all too clear... that was your warning. here we go! :)

a family that was a part of the Lighthouse Youth Center back in the day, lost their 2 sons on Mothers' Day. I hadn't seen this family in years, like 6 or 7 years actually. One son was 24 and the other 14. The 24 yr old was a goofball in youth. I can still remember some of the goofy dances he would make up. I don't really remember too much about the other son, he was around but young. Weird to think if the youth center was still around, he may be a part of it now.

the service last night was so amazing. there were, probably, like 800 people there and the peace and love God was so strong. the boys were saved, they knew Jesus and He was their savior, so we know they are in Heaven. its still hard for the family to loose them, but they can rejoice knowing that they are in Glory. their prayer is that someone gets saved through this. I totally agree. someone will get saved, someone will have a 'deciding moment' in this as the dad put it. be a better friend or a better dad or get in the Word more.

as I look back at the time I had with this family back in the day, I was struck at my judgemental attitude back then. I thought that since they weren't a part of the Charismatic 'department' of Christianity, that they couldn't possibly have a full walk with God. that's a real simple way of putting things I used to think. not just about them, but any Christian who didn't have the fullness of the Spirit. wow, such arrogance and ignorance. I don't think that anymore, thank God. seeing and hearing this family yesterday just showed me how much I've grown. Christian, true Christianity, all comes down to your faith in Jesus Christ. As Savior and Lord, that His blood paid the way, the only way, to Heaven. And that He rose again. having the fullness of the Spirit is... amazing... wouldn't want to go without it. but that doesn't mean that amazing faith can't come from other Christians.

I asked God a while back to reveal Himself to me. I was struggling on know for sure that He was real. So weird to tell Him that I was having problems knowing He's real, as I'm talking to Him. To an unbeliever, I'd be talking to myself, or my imaginary friend. He's real, He set eternity in our hearts. So I knew He was real, but wanted to KNOW He was REAL. to know that I knew that I knew. that He was still working in my life, not just in those around me. well, He's been answering.

through the faith of the people last night, the words given at church, the miraculous way things are coming together for the mission trip to Scotland... and most of all the way I'm relating to Him, and other people for that matter.

all the probably sounded like rambling nonsense, unless you've been there. if you've been through this, you get. if you don't... just ask Him to reveal Him self in a real tangible way. you'll see.

Scotland... about $350 to go, due next week. can't say I'm not at least a little anxious about that, but if I look at the other $1925, it seems like nothing. it has been interesting to me where some of the support has come from, and where it hasn't... can't talk about too much though, just something that I'm pondering. If you read this and take that personal, well, its kinda on you. I don't say it to make anyone feel guilty, just an observation.

also waiting for the Consulate in Chicago to process my charity worker visa as we speak. note that I didn't say patiently waiting :)

3 weeks to go! excited and nervous.

I've realized recently that one of the best motivators to keep up with the weight loss/getting healthy is how many people have told me that I've inspired them! brings tears to my eyes every time I heard/read that, even now. I've been inspired by Ruby and Biggest Loser, never thought I could inspire others. keeps me going!

I would love to become a dietitian or nutritional counselor some day. people suffering with eating disorders or bad nutrition break my heart. while this body is temporary, we shouldn't abuse it. we should be good stewards of what God has given us. maybe I'll get to go into one of those fields without having to pay for college :)

deserted island. not where I want to be, where I feel I am sometimes. so alone and misunderstood. rejected and abandoned. I have people in my life who love me, who care for me, don't get me wrong. It's like I think I should say, no really, please ignore me. don't get back to me. I'm not important enough apparently. sorry to be a bother by just existing. been there? this island is no fun. I wouldn't say its a depression thing. it's being human. ever since the fall in Eden we've been detached. from each other and most of all from God. I used to wonder, as a teen, if this were all a dream. that somehow my consciousness, or subconscious made this whole world up. would I die and there would be nothing, but I wouldn't know there was nothing, cause I wouldn't exist. there's a mind bender for ya! don't know if I've ever told anyone that either. Anyway, then I met Jesus. I know I didn't make this all, He did :) when this life ends, I'll be in Heaven forever. He never leaves me, which brings me back to the original topic of this paragraph. sorry for the tangent. I know He is always here. won't leave me and I can't hide from Him. He sticks closer than a brother, or friend, or family, etc.

did you really make it all the way through all that randomness? wow, thanks! :)